Women are bombarded by dictums on how to live a fabulous life.
There are rules for how to get a date -the ancient laws of attraction. Once you have the all important date there is a new set of rules. Never pay on a first meeting or take the boy home.
There are fashion rules. As a stylist, I’m a great proponent of fashion laws. If your legs are out, keep the cleavage under wraps, Smokey eyes or strong lips. Rarely both at once.
Add the rules on how to throw a dinner party while rewiring a plug and you see there is a code of conduct for almost every situation.
I think most women take some comfort in these rules, only to break them with great abandon when it suits.
But what about the basic rules of womankind? Many women simply don't know the rules of how to interact with other females.
I think of my friends and I as something akin to a giant Girl Scout troop. A band of women, who, despite our very obvious differences, share a common femininity.
The first rule we should learn as women is that we are all in it together. Life has a way of knocking you sideways unexpectedly - knowing the good-girl code cushions the blow.
As we grow up, our relationship with other women gets skewed.
We like to think we know how to be a good friend. But this isn’t always the case. All too often women find themselves biting their lip in envy at a mate’s success. Be it in love, work or hair style. There is a breed of women who can't congratulate others on a darn good job.
We all have so-called friends we wouldn’t trust with our secrets, our boyfriend, or our grandma’s pancake recipe (because you know they will pass it off as their own).
Then there are the professional rule breakers - colleagues who feel the need to step on your point to get ahead. This doesn't work in the end and is a slap in the face for all hard working girls.
The rules exist for all women, even those we don’t know. The vitriol aimed at Kate Middleton is an example of female rule breaking. Only one woman could marry Wills. Good on her!
So, what are the rules? How do we beat the 'frenemy' girls?
It’s futile to bitch or spread rumours. If someone is bitching to you about everyone else, chances are she is bitching to everyone else about you. Rise above it and you will feel more fabulous than you can imagine.
Don't take joy in other’s misfortune. If you're best friend calls at 3am, hysterical over a text message to The Ex, don't gloat. Remember, we have all been there.
Share. Friends, time and knowledge - in giving you get back. Some of the most popular women I know revel in sharing their friends network. A gracious woman never runs out of people to call.
Taken means taken, simple. Don't break the most fundamental girl code of all. If you take a guy from someone else, then someone else could take him from you!
Compliment at will. I’ve never been in a social situation where a well placed compliment wouldn’t ease things along. We are all a bit scared, validation of our shoes or perfume choices go a long way. Do it and watch the compliments you get back.
And finally, when you do see someone succeed, be gracious and bask in reflected glory. Even when it's hard, and I know it is. Your big moment might be just around the corner and when it comes, raining on your friend or colleague's parade might come back to bite you.
The golden rule of the good girl code is simple. The pie is big enough for everyone to get a piece, take a bite and enjoy.
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